Signature required

"Hello, can I help you?"

"Yes ma'am, I have a package here for John^* that requires a signature.  Is he home?"

"Oh...um...I usually sign for his packages without any incident.  Is that alright?"

"Well, ma'am, normally I wouldn't mind, but my manager has been coming down on us lately for packages that don't make it to their destination."

"Oh, of course, I see."  *Continues in a quieter voice*  "Well, hopefully you can be discreet...this is kind of embarrassing, but I am John."

"Um, no offense ma'am, but you don't look like a man to me.  Do you have proof, like a driver's license or similar?"

"Hmm...my license has my picture as a man.  Can you compare it to my face and then let me sign?"

"Again...I'm awfully sorry ma'am.  You could be a sister or a relative.  I really need to leave this with the intended recipient."

"Well, what if I show you my license, prove to you I'm a man, and my wife vouches for me?  Would you let me sign then?"

"I guess that would be using due diligence."

"Great.  Why don't you come inside and make yourself comfortable while I get my wife and license.  Then I'll be more than happy to let you check me out yourself."

^*John is not my real name.  Or is it?  :)

Cousin-in-law's birthday

Sitting at the picnic table, I eat another grape as I listen to an old lady complain about inconveniences she had on a recent trip.  Momentarily tuning her out, I glance to my right and make eye contact with him.  Again.  I can't help but smile.  He smiles back.  

Turning back to the lady at my table, I find the break in her story I so desperately need.

"I'm sorry, that sounds absolutely horrible," I say.  "Please excuse me.  I'll be right back."  I stand up and smooth out my skirt.

Over at the food table, I make small-talk with some of the other guests when he's suddenly standing by my side.  Goosebumps appear on my arms.

"Good food, great people.  A guy really can't ask for much more for his birthday."

"Exactly," I reply sheepishly.  "Happy birthday, by the way!"

"Thanks.  So, you're married to my cousin?"

"Yeah, it's a long story," I reply.

"No need," he says.  "She gave me the quick version when we talked last week."  

"Uh-oh," I think, "what did she tell him?"

"Have you seen the ducks down by the pond yet?" he asks.

"No, I haven't.  I didn't even realize there were ducks here."

"Great, come with me."

We make small talk as we hike thru the woods.  Upon reaching a clearing, he turns and says, "Don't take this the wrong way, but you have the most amazing eyes."

"Thanks," I reply.  I feel my cheeks starting to blush.  "You've got a really nice smile."

I reach out and touch his hand with mine, hoping he senses the sexual tension building.  As he brings his face close to mine, I kiss him passionately.  A simple embrace leads to hands roaming over each other's bodies.

Later in the evening, when my wife and I get in the car to go home, she brings up a photo on her phone.  "You'll never believe what I saw on my walk this afternoon, sissy.  Look at this horny couple going at it down by the duck pond.  I wonder who they were?" she says as she gives me a wink.

Sissy car troubles

I'm on my way to the grocery store again, when the check engine light suddenly comes on.  Not knowing cars very well, I pull over to see what I can figure out.

There's surprisingly little useful information in the car manual beyond scheduling a trip to the mechanic.  

How serious is this?  Can I still drive?  Can I make it to the store and back home safely?  I check out my reflection in the rear-view mirror, ensuring my hair and makeup look perfect.  

I pull the hood release until I hear it "pop".  Sliding out the door, I make my way to the front of the car, stepping carefully in my 3-inch heels.  I find the hood catch and prop the hood up in its fully open position.

Leaning my elbows on the edge of the car, I do little more than stare at the endless mass of wires, ducts, and belts.  I close my eyes, mentally picturing the manly alpha male that will inevitably pull over any moment now and help me out with his big rough hands.

I know that I can make it worth his time, since this exact thing has already happened twice this week!